.
(No, Mr. Church Attorney, I'm not blogging. But now and then I see something in the news I want to share, I won't send it out to my lists, or promote it, and that's the damage you are trying to prevent, so don't get riled up over this post...)
You may agree with what the British bishop says in the link below, but it's too late, the Catholic messenger is no longer credible:
Catholic Bishop regales USA government re 9/11 "Lies Lies Lies"
Also here is a another hypocritical tidbit from recent news stories:
Archbishop Timothy Dolan's gay bashing letter to President Obama
re the "unchangeable meaning and nature of marriage as a communion of the sexes."
As my friend who emailed me the latter included:
Matthew 7:3
And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?
Matthew 7:4
Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye.
Matthew 7:5
Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Luke 6:41
And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye?
Luke 6:42
Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye.
***
But, hey, those Scriptures are in the Bible, man, bishops and cardinals are already educated so why read the Bible, especially when they memorized it in college... Also, Catholic Church leaders have more important things to do, such as preparing for depositions, and meeting with private investigators they've hired to find ways to destroy pedophile priest victims. . .
Back into hiding I go.
.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Observations on The Hague document
.
I've read the Hague document and over the years I've gone to Bishop Accountability where the Database of Accused Priests lists from A to Z all ten thousand pedophile priests identified in the United States, so far.
I reeled in awe at the media coverage of SNAP at The Hague September 14th, then...
POST NOTE a few days later:
One interesting observation: nothing is new in the 84 pages of the CCR / SNAP Request for the International Criminal Court at The Hague to prosecute the Pope.
The document summarizes information that has already been reported, in news investigations and Grand Jury reports, both in the USA and other countries since 2002.
The 84-page report makes me wonder once again, what has SNAP done with all the new stories of abuse and reports of new priests that it has received, for instance, since the Pope visited New York, and SNAP put itself in the middle of all news coverage, saying it had received hundreds of new reports of clergy abuse?
Is this request to The Hague really an aggressive step to prosecute clergy sex criminals? Or is this a step that SNAP knows will not succeed, as the ICC at The Hague was created to prosecute war crimes such as genocide; and clergy sex crimes against children, while horrific and inhumane, are not really the jursidiction of the International Criminal Court?
Is this report to The Hague more damage control, another way to get the SNAP name and contact information into the news to keep SNAP in the center and in control, in Europe now, as they succeeded in doing over and over again for 20 years in the USA, while keeping any other organization from forming to do advocacy on the pedophile priest issue outside of SNAP?
I think SNAP is once again encouraging new victims to bring their stories to SNAP.
Never to be heard again.
Now in Europe, like they did in the USA.
It's eerie. SNAP certainly has bought themselves a couple years of glory and credibility with its September 14, 2011, international press blitz, but in reality, there still really is no network of support for US victims. Most of us are still isolated, cut off, and in no better place than we were ten years ago.
Several of us feel our attempts to start things on our own were beaten down and prevented by SNAP.
All the bishops are still in place, the guys at The Vatican will probably just ignore the CCR/SNAP request.
But SNAP is riding high.
.
Read this work in progress on the SNAP scam here at City of Angels 2
I've read the Hague document and over the years I've gone to Bishop Accountability where the Database of Accused Priests lists from A to Z all ten thousand pedophile priests identified in the United States, so far.
I reeled in awe at the media coverage of SNAP at The Hague September 14th, then...
POST NOTE a few days later:
One interesting observation: nothing is new in the 84 pages of the CCR / SNAP Request for the International Criminal Court at The Hague to prosecute the Pope.
The document summarizes information that has already been reported, in news investigations and Grand Jury reports, both in the USA and other countries since 2002.
The 84-page report makes me wonder once again, what has SNAP done with all the new stories of abuse and reports of new priests that it has received, for instance, since the Pope visited New York, and SNAP put itself in the middle of all news coverage, saying it had received hundreds of new reports of clergy abuse?
Is this request to The Hague really an aggressive step to prosecute clergy sex criminals? Or is this a step that SNAP knows will not succeed, as the ICC at The Hague was created to prosecute war crimes such as genocide; and clergy sex crimes against children, while horrific and inhumane, are not really the jursidiction of the International Criminal Court?
Is this report to The Hague more damage control, another way to get the SNAP name and contact information into the news to keep SNAP in the center and in control, in Europe now, as they succeeded in doing over and over again for 20 years in the USA, while keeping any other organization from forming to do advocacy on the pedophile priest issue outside of SNAP?
I think SNAP is once again encouraging new victims to bring their stories to SNAP.
Never to be heard again.
Now in Europe, like they did in the USA.
It's eerie. SNAP certainly has bought themselves a couple years of glory and credibility with its September 14, 2011, international press blitz, but in reality, there still really is no network of support for US victims. Most of us are still isolated, cut off, and in no better place than we were ten years ago.
Several of us feel our attempts to start things on our own were beaten down and prevented by SNAP.
All the bishops are still in place, the guys at The Vatican will probably just ignore the CCR/SNAP request.
But SNAP is riding high.
.
Read this work in progress on the SNAP scam here at City of Angels 2
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A century long crime spree summed up in 84 pages
.
Read the Hague document at Bishop Accountability where you can also in the Database of Accused Priests read from A to Z about all ten thousand pedophile priests identified in the United States, so far.
No, this is not about a handful of priests behaving inappropriately, no matter what your pastor may have told you.
The Catholic Church should be dismantled for letting these crimes take place. There are other Christian churches people can go to, where their children won't get raped.
.
Read the Hague document at Bishop Accountability where you can also in the Database of Accused Priests read from A to Z about all ten thousand pedophile priests identified in the United States, so far.
No, this is not about a handful of priests behaving inappropriately, no matter what your pastor may have told you.
The Catholic Church should be dismantled for letting these crimes take place. There are other Christian churches people can go to, where their children won't get raped.
.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
If only...
.
Outside, across the street, the Cub Scouts are holding their Thursday night meeting at the Methodist Church. I wish so much I could have a normal life, that there were sane people in my life, like the earthlings I'm observing across the street.
Instead for me, I look at the Scouts in their little mimi-me tailored uniforms and ties, and what I see is sodomy, little boys raped. Across the street, twelve boys line up for their troop meeting and everyone else in the world sees innocent little boys lined up for Scouts.
Me, I wonder which ones are being sodomized by the scoutmaster.
Of course, since the church across the street is Methodist, there is probably no sodomy taking place at all. These scoutmasters are clean, decent, would never think of raping a child.
But my life is different. My head has to be filled with the stories I've heard for the last four years doing this blog. No wonder I'm reeling these days and lost, not able to communicate. How do I turn to the sweet matron nearby who waits at the station wagon for her brood to finish their Scout meeting and tell her that the last four years my head has been filled with sodomy, sacrificial torture of children, all performed by men who have convinced the world they are representatives of Christ on Earth.
What strange karma I have, especially to be reeling now in circumstances where I'm cut off from the hundred thousand other victims, because of what I've seen and what I've heard and now in my clueless state, wondering how do I tell the world what I saw, and on top of that what I know.
An even more difficult question is, Should I even tell anyone?
So I walk back inside, close the door, and remain cut off from the world.
.
Outside, across the street, the Cub Scouts are holding their Thursday night meeting at the Methodist Church. I wish so much I could have a normal life, that there were sane people in my life, like the earthlings I'm observing across the street.
Instead for me, I look at the Scouts in their little mimi-me tailored uniforms and ties, and what I see is sodomy, little boys raped. Across the street, twelve boys line up for their troop meeting and everyone else in the world sees innocent little boys lined up for Scouts.
Me, I wonder which ones are being sodomized by the scoutmaster.
Of course, since the church across the street is Methodist, there is probably no sodomy taking place at all. These scoutmasters are clean, decent, would never think of raping a child.
But my life is different. My head has to be filled with the stories I've heard for the last four years doing this blog. No wonder I'm reeling these days and lost, not able to communicate. How do I turn to the sweet matron nearby who waits at the station wagon for her brood to finish their Scout meeting and tell her that the last four years my head has been filled with sodomy, sacrificial torture of children, all performed by men who have convinced the world they are representatives of Christ on Earth.
What strange karma I have, especially to be reeling now in circumstances where I'm cut off from the hundred thousand other victims, because of what I've seen and what I've heard and now in my clueless state, wondering how do I tell the world what I saw, and on top of that what I know.
An even more difficult question is, Should I even tell anyone?
So I walk back inside, close the door, and remain cut off from the world.
.
Killjoy has left the building
.
I just don't know how to explain what I'm thinking and feeling right now. I have to wait until other people figure it out, meanwhile, I can't be the Killjoy. It's too isolating.
If you are not trying to stop it, you are enabling it. But meanwhile, they are so good at manipulating the media and all of us that they have a good two years of credibility now to ride on.
And nothing will really happen.
.
I just don't know how to explain what I'm thinking and feeling right now. I have to wait until other people figure it out, meanwhile, I can't be the Killjoy. It's too isolating.
If you are not trying to stop it, you are enabling it. But meanwhile, they are so good at manipulating the media and all of us that they have a good two years of credibility now to ride on.
And nothing will really happen.
.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
More damage control by SNAP, now re Hague charges
.
5:50 PM Add
They've managed to reduce the whole thing to a 30 second sound byte. Hundreds of thousands of children raped in the name of keeping priests celibate, technically, and it all boils down to 30 seconds on NPR including a phone interview with David Clohessy, so we all can feel as if this whole thing is being taken care of.
In stead there I am wandering drunk with tears pouring down my face on these strange small town streets, how the hell did I end up here? But hey, no, it's all okay because there's David Clohessy assuring the NPR reporter that all this debauchery in the name of God will now be justified, thanks to the efforts of his group called SNAP, so I can just go home and drink until I am not thinking anymore.
*****
Re SNAP lawsuit filed in The Hague today, before you start applauding, look more closely.
In today's media release linked below, SNAP does not mention the group of attorneys in Germany that began work almost a year ago on a lawsuit in The Hague concerning Crimes Against Humanity by the Pope.
City of Angels Blog covered the German lawsuit here last April and has kept a link to that post at the top of the blog since then. Appraently in May 2011, SNAP began its similar efforts with the Center for Constitutional Rights in New York, as reported in the news today.
Once again, SNAP is inserting itself into work others are already doing, deflecting attention to SNAP and away from the real activists and, I predict, in six months you will not hear another word about The Hague from SNAP, or about any new victims who've come to SNAP as a result.
I think SNAP's real purpose is to deflect attention away from real work to expose the crimes of Pedophile Priests in the Catholic Church, while promoting itself in the news as an advocacy group for victims. SNAP is a clevery creation of the bishops that conducts damage control, diversion, and counter intelligence, for the Catholic Church.
The Modus Operandi of SNAP in the USA for years has been: Deflect attention away from real activism, draw attention instead to the handful of persons who run SNAP, then drop the ball.
Re today's media events, very few survivors were told in advance about this latest project from SNAP. Some individuals leaked it to me, but today's media events were kept totally secret from mainstream SNAP members and the vast majority of pedophile priest victims in the US, so as few local survivors participated as SNAP could have, without looking suspicious.
Keeping this release secret Makes No Sense unless SNAP's real purpose is to accomplish as little as possible while making it look like they are working and advocating for victims.
They aren't.
Don't be fooled, this latest project of SNAP's is just more Damage Control.
One again SNAP is usurping the work of others, in this case the German lawyers who have been pursuing Crimes Against Humanity charges against the Pope for months. Now SNAP calls this work in The Hague their own and their next step will be to abandon it.
SNAP always takes over work other activists are doing and then deflates it. SNAP has been doing this form of damage control for years in the US and now they are doing the same thing overseas.
Never once in today's releases from SNAP do you hear the voice of the hundred thousand victims in the U.S., always you hear only about the handful of people who run SNAP, and then a handful of "SNAP approved voices" is heard.
Never once does SNAP mention the work that is already in progress in Europe to file Crimes Against Humanity charges against the Pope at The Hague International Criminal Court.
And I'll bet that in six months there will be nothing at all in the news about this SNAP lawsuit, or the other one in Germany, which most reporters will now probably confuse with the SNAP project... That's how the SNAP MO works, deflect attention, then put all the activity into a Sink Hole somewhere between Chicago and St. Louis, where all the information SNAP acquires disappears.
I've been observing this blatant counter-intelligence by SNAP for years now. They conduct Damage Control by taking over any real activist work that is going on. Then they claim that work as their own, so they can then drop the ball and any real attempts at activism will come to a grinding stop.
Watch. It will happen here with these Hague charges as well.
SNAP also beats down people like me who are trying to do something on our own, until we give up.
Here is New York Times coverage of today's events:
Hague Is Asked to Investigate Vatican Over Abuse
Just watch.
That's what I'm doing these days, just watching.
Posted by Kay Ebeling
Enjoy the Fall
.
POST SCRIPT: And here I am all alone with my observations, cut off from everyone else in a movement that is still standing still.
.
5:50 PM Add
They've managed to reduce the whole thing to a 30 second sound byte. Hundreds of thousands of children raped in the name of keeping priests celibate, technically, and it all boils down to 30 seconds on NPR including a phone interview with David Clohessy, so we all can feel as if this whole thing is being taken care of.
In stead there I am wandering drunk with tears pouring down my face on these strange small town streets, how the hell did I end up here? But hey, no, it's all okay because there's David Clohessy assuring the NPR reporter that all this debauchery in the name of God will now be justified, thanks to the efforts of his group called SNAP, so I can just go home and drink until I am not thinking anymore.
*****
Re SNAP lawsuit filed in The Hague today, before you start applauding, look more closely.
In today's media release linked below, SNAP does not mention the group of attorneys in Germany that began work almost a year ago on a lawsuit in The Hague concerning Crimes Against Humanity by the Pope.
City of Angels Blog covered the German lawsuit here last April and has kept a link to that post at the top of the blog since then. Appraently in May 2011, SNAP began its similar efforts with the Center for Constitutional Rights in New York, as reported in the news today.
Once again, SNAP is inserting itself into work others are already doing, deflecting attention to SNAP and away from the real activists and, I predict, in six months you will not hear another word about The Hague from SNAP, or about any new victims who've come to SNAP as a result.
I think SNAP's real purpose is to deflect attention away from real work to expose the crimes of Pedophile Priests in the Catholic Church, while promoting itself in the news as an advocacy group for victims. SNAP is a clevery creation of the bishops that conducts damage control, diversion, and counter intelligence, for the Catholic Church.
The Modus Operandi of SNAP in the USA for years has been: Deflect attention away from real activism, draw attention instead to the handful of persons who run SNAP, then drop the ball.
Re today's media events, very few survivors were told in advance about this latest project from SNAP. Some individuals leaked it to me, but today's media events were kept totally secret from mainstream SNAP members and the vast majority of pedophile priest victims in the US, so as few local survivors participated as SNAP could have, without looking suspicious.
Keeping this release secret Makes No Sense unless SNAP's real purpose is to accomplish as little as possible while making it look like they are working and advocating for victims.
They aren't.
Don't be fooled, this latest project of SNAP's is just more Damage Control.
One again SNAP is usurping the work of others, in this case the German lawyers who have been pursuing Crimes Against Humanity charges against the Pope for months. Now SNAP calls this work in The Hague their own and their next step will be to abandon it.
SNAP always takes over work other activists are doing and then deflates it. SNAP has been doing this form of damage control for years in the US and now they are doing the same thing overseas.
Never once in today's releases from SNAP do you hear the voice of the hundred thousand victims in the U.S., always you hear only about the handful of people who run SNAP, and then a handful of "SNAP approved voices" is heard.
Never once does SNAP mention the work that is already in progress in Europe to file Crimes Against Humanity charges against the Pope at The Hague International Criminal Court.
And I'll bet that in six months there will be nothing at all in the news about this SNAP lawsuit, or the other one in Germany, which most reporters will now probably confuse with the SNAP project... That's how the SNAP MO works, deflect attention, then put all the activity into a Sink Hole somewhere between Chicago and St. Louis, where all the information SNAP acquires disappears.
I've been observing this blatant counter-intelligence by SNAP for years now. They conduct Damage Control by taking over any real activist work that is going on. Then they claim that work as their own, so they can then drop the ball and any real attempts at activism will come to a grinding stop.
Watch. It will happen here with these Hague charges as well.
SNAP also beats down people like me who are trying to do something on our own, until we give up.
Here is New York Times coverage of today's events:
Hague Is Asked to Investigate Vatican Over Abuse
Just watch.
That's what I'm doing these days, just watching.
Posted by Kay Ebeling
Enjoy the Fall
.
POST SCRIPT: And here I am all alone with my observations, cut off from everyone else in a movement that is still standing still.
.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Sunday: Vietnam Vets event, Berkeley Springs WV, Concert
.
Bring an umbrella and a chair...
Berkeley Springs West Virginia, one time home of George Washington
Originally posted here yesterday
Bring an umbrella and a chair...
Berkeley Springs West Virginia, one time home of George Washington
Originally posted here yesterday
Saturday, September 3, 2011
My answer to everything
.
To SNAP, the Church, and all of us pedophile priest victims I say:
Song starts 56 seconds in...
To SNAP, the Church, and all of us pedophile priest victims I say:
Song starts 56 seconds in...
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
My lawsuit filed in Chicago Aug. 2, 2011
.
And I'm staying incognito right now.
2 women sue archdiocese for alleged sex abuse
By Manya A. Brachear, Tribune reporter
August 3, 2011
Two women filed separate lawsuits against the Chicago Archdiocese on Tuesday, alleging they were sexually abused in the 1950s by a priest at St. Peter Damian Catholic Church in Bartlett.
In the suit filed in Cook County Circuit Court, Patricia Vestey and Kathryn Joan Ebeling, both in their 60s, say they repressed memories of abuse at the hands of the Rev. Thomas Barry Horne for several decades. It wasn't until they learned that others had accused Horne of abuse that their recollections began to surface, the suit said. Horne retired in 1973 and has since died.
Frederic Nessler, the Springfield attorney representing both women, said the archdiocese refused to settle out of court...
*****
Read whole article: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-repressed-catholic-memories-20110803,0,990086.story
Even though it only tells a small part of the story...
***
Re Comments here http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110804/news/708049981/ at another story about the lawsuits: Two comments sound like they are from a guy who has cyber stalked me since February 2010, and the rest are by people who just don't get how a sex crime committed against a child affects the victim right into adulthood and yes even sicty years later.
I look back today on a life that would have been totally different, without this experience...
And I'm staying incognito right now.
2 women sue archdiocese for alleged sex abuse
By Manya A. Brachear, Tribune reporter
August 3, 2011
Two women filed separate lawsuits against the Chicago Archdiocese on Tuesday, alleging they were sexually abused in the 1950s by a priest at St. Peter Damian Catholic Church in Bartlett.
In the suit filed in Cook County Circuit Court, Patricia Vestey and Kathryn Joan Ebeling, both in their 60s, say they repressed memories of abuse at the hands of the Rev. Thomas Barry Horne for several decades. It wasn't until they learned that others had accused Horne of abuse that their recollections began to surface, the suit said. Horne retired in 1973 and has since died.
Frederic Nessler, the Springfield attorney representing both women, said the archdiocese refused to settle out of court...
*****
Read whole article: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-repressed-catholic-memories-20110803,0,990086.story
Even though it only tells a small part of the story...
***
Re Comments here http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110804/news/708049981/ at another story about the lawsuits: Two comments sound like they are from a guy who has cyber stalked me since February 2010, and the rest are by people who just don't get how a sex crime committed against a child affects the victim right into adulthood and yes even sicty years later.
I look back today on a life that would have been totally different, without this experience...
Monday, July 4, 2011
Dream July 4th that wakes me up at 2 AM so I write it down and post it
.
I'm accompanying (friend*) to a meeting with the archdiocese in a Beverly Hills, CA, office buioding. She’s going there for something to do with a pedophile priest lawsuit.
We get to this auditorium and sit in theater like seats with other people who are there to conduct other kinds of business with the archdiocese.
One of the known pedophile priests is in the auditorium wearing a janitor's uniform and carrying out work around the room, emptying trash cans, things like that. Behind me sit two women with a very Midwest middle class look to them, and soon the priest-janitor sits next to them. (His name in the dream is something like Michael Phelan.) He knows the two Midwestern women and I overhear their conversation.
The women are cooing to the janitor-priest, with very honoring tones in their voices, and my friend and I roll our eyes. Then in their conversation I overhear one Midwestern woman say, “So we'll meet you at two o'clock and all go to lunch and the movies together.”
I turn around and holler to them, “What's the matter with you, are you crazy?”
The two women bristle and Father Phelan in his blue janitor jacket kind of sinks down in his seat.
I scream at the women: “Do you know who this guy is? Do you know why he’s not a priest anymore?”
The two ladies shake their heads "no, we don'tn know" and I turn to the shrinking Father Phelan and holler louder: “You mean you didn't tell them!?!?!”
He shakes his head no so I turn to the two Midwestern ladies.
“He’s Father Michael Phelan, a pedophile priest from San Francisco, and the reason he’s not up there being a priest anymore is he raped- what was it Father? Fourteen little boys?”
Father Phelan nods, the two Midwestern ladies are shocked. Their body language says they don't want to go to lunch and the movies with the Father Phelan anymore, and I continue my tirade.
“The only reason Father Phelan is here now in this cushy job doing maintenance in a Beverly Hills office building is because the Mon-SEE-gnors arranged it.”
I say, “Monsignor” like the syllables are three separate words, with loud and drawn out emphasis on SEE, so it's “Mon-SEE-nyor” and while I'm saying the SEE part I take on a pansy frilly gay man queen tone to my voice, so it's Mon-SEE-nyor like a sneer, like all the anger and frustration and shock and rage I've been feeling now for about five years at these people is all summed into that one word. Indeed I wake up with a start soon after and I'm repeating over and over again in my head, “Mon-SEE-nyor” "Mon-SEE-nyor" in that same sarcastic tone. It's that word and all the rage when I say it that makes me feel I have to turn the light on and boot up the laptop to write this dream down, in my head I'm still hearing myself in all that rage saying, “Mon-SEE-nyor, mon-SEE-nyor.”
But that wasn’t the end of the dream.
I'm standing over Father Phelan. (I don't believe there is a father Phelan anywhere in the documents among the ten thousand or so American priests who’ve been credibly accused of raping children, but that's the name he had in the dream, sort of a generic pedophile priest.) As I stand over him, I'm like The Sea Witch in The Little Mermaid, now risen from my place at the bottom of the ocean and coming into full power, towering over Father Phelan raging at him.
“You didn't bother to tell them?"
He squeaks out the words, "Well by law I don't have to. The bishops took care of it."
I shout, "I don't care what the law says. Screw the law, these are real people here. From now on you have to tell them who you are and what you did. You don't make plans to go to lunch and a movie with innocent people not letting them know who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan is now curled in a fetal position totally depleted because as I stand over him, my voice alone has the power to deflate him. In my hands I'm holding this golden thing, sort of like a Holy Grail, and I'm threatening to hit him over the head with it, just threatening enough for him to end up beneath me on the floor, shaking and frightened. I say again, “This is not about what you can get away with under the law. These are real human beings. You have to tell them who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan shakes out, “Yes, I will.”
I leave with my friend and we're crossing the street to go get coffee. I'm wearing a business suit, about a size two, and tucking my hair into a hat, noticing in a mirror, "I look a bit like Faye Dunaway." And we laugh. (When I woke up I had this certainty that when I wrote down the dream I had to include that detail: I suddenly was in a size two business suit looking like a movie star.)
The dream continues. I'm writing notes in a little notebook, which makes me feel professional and competent again, like I'm doing what I should be doing, and I say to my friend, “Man, I can’t wait to write this whole story.”
She turns to me and says, No, I'm not sure I want you to write it now, and I'm thinking, oh no, not again, as I don't know how many times this happened when I was doing the blog. I'd be in the moddle of working on a story and the person I'm interviewing suddenly doesn't want to do the story anymore.
I say to her with the same determination I had when talking to Father Phelan (but not the expressed rage) and say, “What do you think I did all this research and got dressed in this suit to come down here with you just for the fun of it? We had an agreement, I was going to write your story, that's why I'm here.” She's still a little hesitant.
I say, “Look, no one will know it's you. I’ll change the names, dates, details, so no one will know it's you. But this story has got to be written.”
She agrees, but we don't seem to be friends anymore.
And that's the dream. I woke up thinking, I’ll have to write this down in the morning, but then realized by morning I’d probably forget the dream, so instead fired up the laptop and wrote it down.
Now posting it here at the blog because that's what I do.
City of Angels Blog is dark, or on hiatus, for a few more months, but don't be surprised if in 2012 we are up and running again.
*Friend in the dream looked a bit like the woman who drives me to the grocery store once a week from the local Senior Center. Not a survivor at all, not a friend either, just a generic person who showed up in a dream...
.
I'm accompanying (friend*) to a meeting with the archdiocese in a Beverly Hills, CA, office buioding. She’s going there for something to do with a pedophile priest lawsuit.
We get to this auditorium and sit in theater like seats with other people who are there to conduct other kinds of business with the archdiocese.
One of the known pedophile priests is in the auditorium wearing a janitor's uniform and carrying out work around the room, emptying trash cans, things like that. Behind me sit two women with a very Midwest middle class look to them, and soon the priest-janitor sits next to them. (His name in the dream is something like Michael Phelan.) He knows the two Midwestern women and I overhear their conversation.
The women are cooing to the janitor-priest, with very honoring tones in their voices, and my friend and I roll our eyes. Then in their conversation I overhear one Midwestern woman say, “So we'll meet you at two o'clock and all go to lunch and the movies together.”
I turn around and holler to them, “What's the matter with you, are you crazy?”
The two women bristle and Father Phelan in his blue janitor jacket kind of sinks down in his seat.
I scream at the women: “Do you know who this guy is? Do you know why he’s not a priest anymore?”
The two ladies shake their heads "no, we don'tn know" and I turn to the shrinking Father Phelan and holler louder: “You mean you didn't tell them!?!?!”
He shakes his head no so I turn to the two Midwestern ladies.
“He’s Father Michael Phelan, a pedophile priest from San Francisco, and the reason he’s not up there being a priest anymore is he raped- what was it Father? Fourteen little boys?”
Father Phelan nods, the two Midwestern ladies are shocked. Their body language says they don't want to go to lunch and the movies with the Father Phelan anymore, and I continue my tirade.
“The only reason Father Phelan is here now in this cushy job doing maintenance in a Beverly Hills office building is because the Mon-SEE-gnors arranged it.”
I say, “Monsignor” like the syllables are three separate words, with loud and drawn out emphasis on SEE, so it's “Mon-SEE-nyor” and while I'm saying the SEE part I take on a pansy frilly gay man queen tone to my voice, so it's Mon-SEE-nyor like a sneer, like all the anger and frustration and shock and rage I've been feeling now for about five years at these people is all summed into that one word. Indeed I wake up with a start soon after and I'm repeating over and over again in my head, “Mon-SEE-nyor” "Mon-SEE-nyor" in that same sarcastic tone. It's that word and all the rage when I say it that makes me feel I have to turn the light on and boot up the laptop to write this dream down, in my head I'm still hearing myself in all that rage saying, “Mon-SEE-nyor, mon-SEE-nyor.”
But that wasn’t the end of the dream.
I'm standing over Father Phelan. (I don't believe there is a father Phelan anywhere in the documents among the ten thousand or so American priests who’ve been credibly accused of raping children, but that's the name he had in the dream, sort of a generic pedophile priest.) As I stand over him, I'm like The Sea Witch in The Little Mermaid, now risen from my place at the bottom of the ocean and coming into full power, towering over Father Phelan raging at him.
“You didn't bother to tell them?"
He squeaks out the words, "Well by law I don't have to. The bishops took care of it."
I shout, "I don't care what the law says. Screw the law, these are real people here. From now on you have to tell them who you are and what you did. You don't make plans to go to lunch and a movie with innocent people not letting them know who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan is now curled in a fetal position totally depleted because as I stand over him, my voice alone has the power to deflate him. In my hands I'm holding this golden thing, sort of like a Holy Grail, and I'm threatening to hit him over the head with it, just threatening enough for him to end up beneath me on the floor, shaking and frightened. I say again, “This is not about what you can get away with under the law. These are real human beings. You have to tell them who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan shakes out, “Yes, I will.”
I leave with my friend and we're crossing the street to go get coffee. I'm wearing a business suit, about a size two, and tucking my hair into a hat, noticing in a mirror, "I look a bit like Faye Dunaway." And we laugh. (When I woke up I had this certainty that when I wrote down the dream I had to include that detail: I suddenly was in a size two business suit looking like a movie star.)
The dream continues. I'm writing notes in a little notebook, which makes me feel professional and competent again, like I'm doing what I should be doing, and I say to my friend, “Man, I can’t wait to write this whole story.”
She turns to me and says, No, I'm not sure I want you to write it now, and I'm thinking, oh no, not again, as I don't know how many times this happened when I was doing the blog. I'd be in the moddle of working on a story and the person I'm interviewing suddenly doesn't want to do the story anymore.
I say to her with the same determination I had when talking to Father Phelan (but not the expressed rage) and say, “What do you think I did all this research and got dressed in this suit to come down here with you just for the fun of it? We had an agreement, I was going to write your story, that's why I'm here.” She's still a little hesitant.
I say, “Look, no one will know it's you. I’ll change the names, dates, details, so no one will know it's you. But this story has got to be written.”
She agrees, but we don't seem to be friends anymore.
And that's the dream. I woke up thinking, I’ll have to write this down in the morning, but then realized by morning I’d probably forget the dream, so instead fired up the laptop and wrote it down.
Now posting it here at the blog because that's what I do.
City of Angels Blog is dark, or on hiatus, for a few more months, but don't be surprised if in 2012 we are up and running again.
*Friend in the dream looked a bit like the woman who drives me to the grocery store once a week from the local Senior Center. Not a survivor at all, not a friend either, just a generic person who showed up in a dream...
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