.
To SNAP, the Church, and all of us pedophile priest victims I say:
Song starts 56 seconds in...
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
My lawsuit filed in Chicago Aug. 2, 2011
.
And I'm staying incognito right now.
2 women sue archdiocese for alleged sex abuse
By Manya A. Brachear, Tribune reporter
August 3, 2011
Two women filed separate lawsuits against the Chicago Archdiocese on Tuesday, alleging they were sexually abused in the 1950s by a priest at St. Peter Damian Catholic Church in Bartlett.
In the suit filed in Cook County Circuit Court, Patricia Vestey and Kathryn Joan Ebeling, both in their 60s, say they repressed memories of abuse at the hands of the Rev. Thomas Barry Horne for several decades. It wasn't until they learned that others had accused Horne of abuse that their recollections began to surface, the suit said. Horne retired in 1973 and has since died.
Frederic Nessler, the Springfield attorney representing both women, said the archdiocese refused to settle out of court...
*****
Read whole article: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-repressed-catholic-memories-20110803,0,990086.story
Even though it only tells a small part of the story...
***
Re Comments here http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110804/news/708049981/ at another story about the lawsuits: Two comments sound like they are from a guy who has cyber stalked me since February 2010, and the rest are by people who just don't get how a sex crime committed against a child affects the victim right into adulthood and yes even sicty years later.
I look back today on a life that would have been totally different, without this experience...
And I'm staying incognito right now.
2 women sue archdiocese for alleged sex abuse
By Manya A. Brachear, Tribune reporter
August 3, 2011
Two women filed separate lawsuits against the Chicago Archdiocese on Tuesday, alleging they were sexually abused in the 1950s by a priest at St. Peter Damian Catholic Church in Bartlett.
In the suit filed in Cook County Circuit Court, Patricia Vestey and Kathryn Joan Ebeling, both in their 60s, say they repressed memories of abuse at the hands of the Rev. Thomas Barry Horne for several decades. It wasn't until they learned that others had accused Horne of abuse that their recollections began to surface, the suit said. Horne retired in 1973 and has since died.
Frederic Nessler, the Springfield attorney representing both women, said the archdiocese refused to settle out of court...
*****
Read whole article: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-repressed-catholic-memories-20110803,0,990086.story
Even though it only tells a small part of the story...
***
Re Comments here http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110804/news/708049981/ at another story about the lawsuits: Two comments sound like they are from a guy who has cyber stalked me since February 2010, and the rest are by people who just don't get how a sex crime committed against a child affects the victim right into adulthood and yes even sicty years later.
I look back today on a life that would have been totally different, without this experience...
Monday, July 4, 2011
Dream July 4th that wakes me up at 2 AM so I write it down and post it
.
I'm accompanying (friend*) to a meeting with the archdiocese in a Beverly Hills, CA, office buioding. She’s going there for something to do with a pedophile priest lawsuit.
We get to this auditorium and sit in theater like seats with other people who are there to conduct other kinds of business with the archdiocese.
One of the known pedophile priests is in the auditorium wearing a janitor's uniform and carrying out work around the room, emptying trash cans, things like that. Behind me sit two women with a very Midwest middle class look to them, and soon the priest-janitor sits next to them. (His name in the dream is something like Michael Phelan.) He knows the two Midwestern women and I overhear their conversation.
The women are cooing to the janitor-priest, with very honoring tones in their voices, and my friend and I roll our eyes. Then in their conversation I overhear one Midwestern woman say, “So we'll meet you at two o'clock and all go to lunch and the movies together.”
I turn around and holler to them, “What's the matter with you, are you crazy?”
The two women bristle and Father Phelan in his blue janitor jacket kind of sinks down in his seat.
I scream at the women: “Do you know who this guy is? Do you know why he’s not a priest anymore?”
The two ladies shake their heads "no, we don'tn know" and I turn to the shrinking Father Phelan and holler louder: “You mean you didn't tell them!?!?!”
He shakes his head no so I turn to the two Midwestern ladies.
“He’s Father Michael Phelan, a pedophile priest from San Francisco, and the reason he’s not up there being a priest anymore is he raped- what was it Father? Fourteen little boys?”
Father Phelan nods, the two Midwestern ladies are shocked. Their body language says they don't want to go to lunch and the movies with the Father Phelan anymore, and I continue my tirade.
“The only reason Father Phelan is here now in this cushy job doing maintenance in a Beverly Hills office building is because the Mon-SEE-gnors arranged it.”
I say, “Monsignor” like the syllables are three separate words, with loud and drawn out emphasis on SEE, so it's “Mon-SEE-nyor” and while I'm saying the SEE part I take on a pansy frilly gay man queen tone to my voice, so it's Mon-SEE-nyor like a sneer, like all the anger and frustration and shock and rage I've been feeling now for about five years at these people is all summed into that one word. Indeed I wake up with a start soon after and I'm repeating over and over again in my head, “Mon-SEE-nyor” "Mon-SEE-nyor" in that same sarcastic tone. It's that word and all the rage when I say it that makes me feel I have to turn the light on and boot up the laptop to write this dream down, in my head I'm still hearing myself in all that rage saying, “Mon-SEE-nyor, mon-SEE-nyor.”
But that wasn’t the end of the dream.
I'm standing over Father Phelan. (I don't believe there is a father Phelan anywhere in the documents among the ten thousand or so American priests who’ve been credibly accused of raping children, but that's the name he had in the dream, sort of a generic pedophile priest.) As I stand over him, I'm like The Sea Witch in The Little Mermaid, now risen from my place at the bottom of the ocean and coming into full power, towering over Father Phelan raging at him.
“You didn't bother to tell them?"
He squeaks out the words, "Well by law I don't have to. The bishops took care of it."
I shout, "I don't care what the law says. Screw the law, these are real people here. From now on you have to tell them who you are and what you did. You don't make plans to go to lunch and a movie with innocent people not letting them know who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan is now curled in a fetal position totally depleted because as I stand over him, my voice alone has the power to deflate him. In my hands I'm holding this golden thing, sort of like a Holy Grail, and I'm threatening to hit him over the head with it, just threatening enough for him to end up beneath me on the floor, shaking and frightened. I say again, “This is not about what you can get away with under the law. These are real human beings. You have to tell them who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan shakes out, “Yes, I will.”
I leave with my friend and we're crossing the street to go get coffee. I'm wearing a business suit, about a size two, and tucking my hair into a hat, noticing in a mirror, "I look a bit like Faye Dunaway." And we laugh. (When I woke up I had this certainty that when I wrote down the dream I had to include that detail: I suddenly was in a size two business suit looking like a movie star.)
The dream continues. I'm writing notes in a little notebook, which makes me feel professional and competent again, like I'm doing what I should be doing, and I say to my friend, “Man, I can’t wait to write this whole story.”
She turns to me and says, No, I'm not sure I want you to write it now, and I'm thinking, oh no, not again, as I don't know how many times this happened when I was doing the blog. I'd be in the moddle of working on a story and the person I'm interviewing suddenly doesn't want to do the story anymore.
I say to her with the same determination I had when talking to Father Phelan (but not the expressed rage) and say, “What do you think I did all this research and got dressed in this suit to come down here with you just for the fun of it? We had an agreement, I was going to write your story, that's why I'm here.” She's still a little hesitant.
I say, “Look, no one will know it's you. I’ll change the names, dates, details, so no one will know it's you. But this story has got to be written.”
She agrees, but we don't seem to be friends anymore.
And that's the dream. I woke up thinking, I’ll have to write this down in the morning, but then realized by morning I’d probably forget the dream, so instead fired up the laptop and wrote it down.
Now posting it here at the blog because that's what I do.
City of Angels Blog is dark, or on hiatus, for a few more months, but don't be surprised if in 2012 we are up and running again.
*Friend in the dream looked a bit like the woman who drives me to the grocery store once a week from the local Senior Center. Not a survivor at all, not a friend either, just a generic person who showed up in a dream...
.
I'm accompanying (friend*) to a meeting with the archdiocese in a Beverly Hills, CA, office buioding. She’s going there for something to do with a pedophile priest lawsuit.
We get to this auditorium and sit in theater like seats with other people who are there to conduct other kinds of business with the archdiocese.
One of the known pedophile priests is in the auditorium wearing a janitor's uniform and carrying out work around the room, emptying trash cans, things like that. Behind me sit two women with a very Midwest middle class look to them, and soon the priest-janitor sits next to them. (His name in the dream is something like Michael Phelan.) He knows the two Midwestern women and I overhear their conversation.
The women are cooing to the janitor-priest, with very honoring tones in their voices, and my friend and I roll our eyes. Then in their conversation I overhear one Midwestern woman say, “So we'll meet you at two o'clock and all go to lunch and the movies together.”
I turn around and holler to them, “What's the matter with you, are you crazy?”
The two women bristle and Father Phelan in his blue janitor jacket kind of sinks down in his seat.
I scream at the women: “Do you know who this guy is? Do you know why he’s not a priest anymore?”
The two ladies shake their heads "no, we don'tn know" and I turn to the shrinking Father Phelan and holler louder: “You mean you didn't tell them!?!?!”
He shakes his head no so I turn to the two Midwestern ladies.
“He’s Father Michael Phelan, a pedophile priest from San Francisco, and the reason he’s not up there being a priest anymore is he raped- what was it Father? Fourteen little boys?”
Father Phelan nods, the two Midwestern ladies are shocked. Their body language says they don't want to go to lunch and the movies with the Father Phelan anymore, and I continue my tirade.
“The only reason Father Phelan is here now in this cushy job doing maintenance in a Beverly Hills office building is because the Mon-SEE-gnors arranged it.”
I say, “Monsignor” like the syllables are three separate words, with loud and drawn out emphasis on SEE, so it's “Mon-SEE-nyor” and while I'm saying the SEE part I take on a pansy frilly gay man queen tone to my voice, so it's Mon-SEE-nyor like a sneer, like all the anger and frustration and shock and rage I've been feeling now for about five years at these people is all summed into that one word. Indeed I wake up with a start soon after and I'm repeating over and over again in my head, “Mon-SEE-nyor” "Mon-SEE-nyor" in that same sarcastic tone. It's that word and all the rage when I say it that makes me feel I have to turn the light on and boot up the laptop to write this dream down, in my head I'm still hearing myself in all that rage saying, “Mon-SEE-nyor, mon-SEE-nyor.”
But that wasn’t the end of the dream.
I'm standing over Father Phelan. (I don't believe there is a father Phelan anywhere in the documents among the ten thousand or so American priests who’ve been credibly accused of raping children, but that's the name he had in the dream, sort of a generic pedophile priest.) As I stand over him, I'm like The Sea Witch in The Little Mermaid, now risen from my place at the bottom of the ocean and coming into full power, towering over Father Phelan raging at him.
“You didn't bother to tell them?"
He squeaks out the words, "Well by law I don't have to. The bishops took care of it."
I shout, "I don't care what the law says. Screw the law, these are real people here. From now on you have to tell them who you are and what you did. You don't make plans to go to lunch and a movie with innocent people not letting them know who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan is now curled in a fetal position totally depleted because as I stand over him, my voice alone has the power to deflate him. In my hands I'm holding this golden thing, sort of like a Holy Grail, and I'm threatening to hit him over the head with it, just threatening enough for him to end up beneath me on the floor, shaking and frightened. I say again, “This is not about what you can get away with under the law. These are real human beings. You have to tell them who you are and what you did.”
Father Phelan shakes out, “Yes, I will.”
I leave with my friend and we're crossing the street to go get coffee. I'm wearing a business suit, about a size two, and tucking my hair into a hat, noticing in a mirror, "I look a bit like Faye Dunaway." And we laugh. (When I woke up I had this certainty that when I wrote down the dream I had to include that detail: I suddenly was in a size two business suit looking like a movie star.)
The dream continues. I'm writing notes in a little notebook, which makes me feel professional and competent again, like I'm doing what I should be doing, and I say to my friend, “Man, I can’t wait to write this whole story.”
She turns to me and says, No, I'm not sure I want you to write it now, and I'm thinking, oh no, not again, as I don't know how many times this happened when I was doing the blog. I'd be in the moddle of working on a story and the person I'm interviewing suddenly doesn't want to do the story anymore.
I say to her with the same determination I had when talking to Father Phelan (but not the expressed rage) and say, “What do you think I did all this research and got dressed in this suit to come down here with you just for the fun of it? We had an agreement, I was going to write your story, that's why I'm here.” She's still a little hesitant.
I say, “Look, no one will know it's you. I’ll change the names, dates, details, so no one will know it's you. But this story has got to be written.”
She agrees, but we don't seem to be friends anymore.
And that's the dream. I woke up thinking, I’ll have to write this down in the morning, but then realized by morning I’d probably forget the dream, so instead fired up the laptop and wrote it down.
Now posting it here at the blog because that's what I do.
City of Angels Blog is dark, or on hiatus, for a few more months, but don't be surprised if in 2012 we are up and running again.
*Friend in the dream looked a bit like the woman who drives me to the grocery store once a week from the local Senior Center. Not a survivor at all, not a friend either, just a generic person who showed up in a dream...
.
Monday, June 13, 2011
News Roundup while I Try To Revive
Sounds way too familiar to me:
(From: Texas woman claiming abuse as child by Parma Ohio, priest wants diocese to remove plaque story broke June 5, 2011)
Like mine, abuse that happened more than 50 years ago. There's more:
PARMA, Ohio -- A recent story about a 65-year-old woman who says she was sexually abused by a Catholic priest when she was a schoolgirl growing up in Parma has prompted other women to come forward with similar allegations against the priest.
Since the story appeared last week, four women who attended grade school at St. Charles in the 1950s and '60s have contacted the newspaper, saying they, too, were groped and kissed by Monaghan, who died in 1967 at age 85.
The diocese [said] the alleged abuses happened too long ago and that there was no proof ... Read entire story
************
Priest Sex-Abuse Case Hits Church of Pope's Adviser
(GENOA) — The latest sex-abuse case to rock the Catholic Church is unfolding in the archdiocese of an influential Italian Cardinal who has been working with Pope Benedict XVI on reforms to respond to prior scandals of pedophile priests. Father Riccardo Seppia, a 51-year-old parish priest in the village of Sastri Ponente, near Genoa, was arrested Friday, May 13, 2011, on pedophilia and drug charges. Investigators say that in tapped mobile-phone conversations, Seppia asked a Moroccan drug dealer to arrange sexual encounters with young and vulnerable boys. "I do not want 16-year-old boys but younger. Fourteen-year-olds are O.K. Look for needy boys who have family issues," he allegedly said. Genoa Archbishop Angelo Bagnasco, who is the head of the Italian Bishops Conference, had been working with Benedict to establish a tough new worldwide policy, released this week, on how bishops should handle accusations of priestly sex abuse.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2072613,00.html#ixzz1PBG6ywLt
grrrr
Oh well, it's getting better; last week I couldn't even open a news story...
.
(From: Texas woman claiming abuse as child by Parma Ohio, priest wants diocese to remove plaque story broke June 5, 2011)
She also asked that the diocese actively seek out other possible victims of Monaghan and offer them counseling. She said the diocese refused all three requests. The nun said to me, 'That would scandalize the parish,'" said Johnson. "They told me, 'We cannot verify your story so it would be wrong to do this to his name.'"
A December 2008 letter to Johnson from the Rev. Lawrence Jurcak, then the diocese's Secretary and Vicar for Clergy and Religious, reads: "We cannot meet all of your requests.
"I trust that you can appreciate the difficulties that we face with an allegation of abuse that occurred more than fifty years ago, and where the accused died more than forty years ago . . . Please know that you continue to be in our prayers."
Like mine, abuse that happened more than 50 years ago. There's more:
PARMA, Ohio -- A recent story about a 65-year-old woman who says she was sexually abused by a Catholic priest when she was a schoolgirl growing up in Parma has prompted other women to come forward with similar allegations against the priest.
Since the story appeared last week, four women who attended grade school at St. Charles in the 1950s and '60s have contacted the newspaper, saying they, too, were groped and kissed by Monaghan, who died in 1967 at age 85.
The diocese [said] the alleged abuses happened too long ago and that there was no proof ... Read entire story
************
Priest Sex-Abuse Case Hits Church of Pope's Adviser
(GENOA) — The latest sex-abuse case to rock the Catholic Church is unfolding in the archdiocese of an influential Italian Cardinal who has been working with Pope Benedict XVI on reforms to respond to prior scandals of pedophile priests. Father Riccardo Seppia, a 51-year-old parish priest in the village of Sastri Ponente, near Genoa, was arrested Friday, May 13, 2011, on pedophilia and drug charges. Investigators say that in tapped mobile-phone conversations, Seppia asked a Moroccan drug dealer to arrange sexual encounters with young and vulnerable boys. "I do not want 16-year-old boys but younger. Fourteen-year-olds are O.K. Look for needy boys who have family issues," he allegedly said. Genoa Archbishop Angelo Bagnasco, who is the head of the Italian Bishops Conference, had been working with Benedict to establish a tough new worldwide policy, released this week, on how bishops should handle accusations of priestly sex abuse.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2072613,00.html#ixzz1PBG6ywLt
grrrr
Oh well, it's getting better; last week I couldn't even open a news story...
.
Monday, June 6, 2011
What happened to City of Angels Blog
.
Every time I open a Google news alert on the subject, I get physically sick, like I can't read another story on the subject of pedophile priests. This post might explain what happened, describing a dream that I had on May 19th. It seems to be the last thing I have in me to write about the scandal:
Tsunami Dream explains what happened to City of Angels Blog
.
I almost didn't survive. I knew I was putting myself in danger but it was my job. I’d known in advance that the wave was going to hit, from reading the news, from paying attention. But still I went to my job that day, in a building right down by the beachfront. In the minutes before the wave hit, I was running around the house trying to find my stuff- my backpack, my bags- and I’d find one thing then lose it while I was looking for the other. Out the window the wave got closer. Others in the house (it was an Afro American family) were going, cool, look at that wave, and I was trying to get out of there, but I couldn't get out, so became resigned, thinking I was going to die there.
Then to rescue me a ride came through, literally a ride, like a theme park ride, and I jumped on, and the ride kept taking me higher and higher up the hill, so we'd escape just as the wave was hitting, wiping out everything below us. Just as the ride was about to go back down the hill, I jumped off, onto this structure with hallways and coves and stairways. I took a stairway and went higher and higher and it seemed that just as the wave hit just below me, I’d always find another way to get higher.
I realized there was a power, a spiritual presence, angels, something rescuing me, steering me always to a safer higher place.
There were other people climbing the structure, but as the waves kept hitting, fewer of us would make it to higher places, until finally it seemed to be over. At one point I was riding in a boat, a motor boat, we realized and were grateful as we started the engine. We saw ducks and huge sea creatures, and were grateful knowing we would be able to find food.
In another stopping-off point I was given a camera, a complicated thing with a long telephoto lens. I took pictures right away, capturing images of people finding ways to survive, but then more waves hit and I had to drop the camera and keep climbing higher.
Finally at the top, we realized that the few of us that were left were now on what was like a new shoreline. I was walking barehanded, wearing what I was left with, grateful to have what I had.
Altar Boys go a Different Direction
At one stopping off point on another ride climbing to the top, there were all these young boys, and I didn't want to end up there with them, so I got off and took a detour. I knew later that the boys had all survived also, but I was glad that I didn't have to spend the survival time, recovery time, rebuilding time, with all those young boys, and I got a sense they were altar boys…
Instead I ended up all alone, at the top of the structure, walking and walking with the few people that were left, also walking. I wasn’t communicating with anyone yet, but knew I would be later. I was just walking, almost like floating, dazed, looking out at this lush new ocean, our new beachfront land, walking like a survivor following Jesus through the Middle East as he preached in the days before he died...
I was wearing this dress that was loose and straight like the shift I got in Thai town in L.A. that I now wear when I'm sleeping. Then I heard noises and woke up here in the fourth floor room where I'm staying one last night before moving into an apartment two flights down in the back of this building.
Realized that ride from one place to here in the dream was like the ride I got here from Albuquerque; realized as I re-set up homemaking now here in this new place, I've survived something, and there has been a spiritual power that's carried me and kept me alive all this time.
City of Angels Blog is over
Realized the dream was telling me I survived the pedophile priest information wave, now it's time to start rebuilding. Realized that in the dream, the area full of young boys that I didn't want to be around was like the time I've spent with priest rape survivors and it's over now, I can let it go and move on to the next thing. Realized even the camera I had for a while in the dream that was beyond my ability, was like trying to keep up with this whole story on the blog, beyond my ability, so it was okay to let it go and start over something new cleaned out with almost nothing.
Just like here in this new place, in real life, I just have a few things with me.
Awake now, I got up and walked in my Thai nightgown into the bathroom in the same floating dazed manner in which I was walking at the end of the dream. Looked out the window at the new town I've landed in without knowing anyone here or why I landed here, I'm just here, and realized I am a survivor, I'm going to keep going, and it's all fine. I have been “carried” in a way, by a spiritual power, to this point and I made it.
I survived.
*******
Now I can empty out, and fill up with something new.
So long
.
Every time I open a Google news alert on the subject, I get physically sick, like I can't read another story on the subject of pedophile priests. This post might explain what happened, describing a dream that I had on May 19th. It seems to be the last thing I have in me to write about the scandal:
Tsunami Dream explains what happened to City of Angels Blog
.
I almost didn't survive. I knew I was putting myself in danger but it was my job. I’d known in advance that the wave was going to hit, from reading the news, from paying attention. But still I went to my job that day, in a building right down by the beachfront. In the minutes before the wave hit, I was running around the house trying to find my stuff- my backpack, my bags- and I’d find one thing then lose it while I was looking for the other. Out the window the wave got closer. Others in the house (it was an Afro American family) were going, cool, look at that wave, and I was trying to get out of there, but I couldn't get out, so became resigned, thinking I was going to die there.
Then to rescue me a ride came through, literally a ride, like a theme park ride, and I jumped on, and the ride kept taking me higher and higher up the hill, so we'd escape just as the wave was hitting, wiping out everything below us. Just as the ride was about to go back down the hill, I jumped off, onto this structure with hallways and coves and stairways. I took a stairway and went higher and higher and it seemed that just as the wave hit just below me, I’d always find another way to get higher.
I realized there was a power, a spiritual presence, angels, something rescuing me, steering me always to a safer higher place.
There were other people climbing the structure, but as the waves kept hitting, fewer of us would make it to higher places, until finally it seemed to be over. At one point I was riding in a boat, a motor boat, we realized and were grateful as we started the engine. We saw ducks and huge sea creatures, and were grateful knowing we would be able to find food.
In another stopping-off point I was given a camera, a complicated thing with a long telephoto lens. I took pictures right away, capturing images of people finding ways to survive, but then more waves hit and I had to drop the camera and keep climbing higher.
Finally at the top, we realized that the few of us that were left were now on what was like a new shoreline. I was walking barehanded, wearing what I was left with, grateful to have what I had.
Altar Boys go a Different Direction
At one stopping off point on another ride climbing to the top, there were all these young boys, and I didn't want to end up there with them, so I got off and took a detour. I knew later that the boys had all survived also, but I was glad that I didn't have to spend the survival time, recovery time, rebuilding time, with all those young boys, and I got a sense they were altar boys…
Instead I ended up all alone, at the top of the structure, walking and walking with the few people that were left, also walking. I wasn’t communicating with anyone yet, but knew I would be later. I was just walking, almost like floating, dazed, looking out at this lush new ocean, our new beachfront land, walking like a survivor following Jesus through the Middle East as he preached in the days before he died...
I was wearing this dress that was loose and straight like the shift I got in Thai town in L.A. that I now wear when I'm sleeping. Then I heard noises and woke up here in the fourth floor room where I'm staying one last night before moving into an apartment two flights down in the back of this building.
Realized that ride from one place to here in the dream was like the ride I got here from Albuquerque; realized as I re-set up homemaking now here in this new place, I've survived something, and there has been a spiritual power that's carried me and kept me alive all this time.
City of Angels Blog is over
Realized the dream was telling me I survived the pedophile priest information wave, now it's time to start rebuilding. Realized that in the dream, the area full of young boys that I didn't want to be around was like the time I've spent with priest rape survivors and it's over now, I can let it go and move on to the next thing. Realized even the camera I had for a while in the dream that was beyond my ability, was like trying to keep up with this whole story on the blog, beyond my ability, so it was okay to let it go and start over something new cleaned out with almost nothing.
Just like here in this new place, in real life, I just have a few things with me.
Awake now, I got up and walked in my Thai nightgown into the bathroom in the same floating dazed manner in which I was walking at the end of the dream. Looked out the window at the new town I've landed in without knowing anyone here or why I landed here, I'm just here, and realized I am a survivor, I'm going to keep going, and it's all fine. I have been “carried” in a way, by a spiritual power, to this point and I made it.
I survived.
*******
Now I can empty out, and fill up with something new.
So long
.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Video: Colbert illuminates John Jay Report on pedophile priest scandal in Catholic Church
.
“This is not a moral failing by the leadership of the church, it's simply a training issue. Like the new guy putting the wrong type of paper in the photocopier, except it's not paper and it wasn’t a photocopier.”
Video clip from Colbert Report May 19, 2011:
"There is good news," says Stephen Colbert, "the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops has released the results of an exhaustive $1.8 million dollar study examining the root causes of this tragic abuse of trust.
"I'm relieved to report that they have found the courage to place the blame where it belongs, on free love in the 1960s.”
The sexual abuse scandal, “this horrible horrible shameful chapter,” says Colbert on The Colbert Report on Comedy Central:
“Was caused by the damn hippies.”
Watch also on YouTube at City of Angels Network
Video is screen shot by Kay Ebeling,
Producer, City of Angels Blog
Desperately in need of PayPal "High Five" clicks
...
POST NOTE:
Marci Hamilton says the John Jay Report is a "breakthrough in explaining how an institution that started with Jesus Christ could become the global leader in child endangerment."
Read Hamilton's column Challenging the John Jay Report
"A law professor and victim advocate on blaming the Sixties for child sex abuse"
(Send your links to kay at cityofangelslady@yahoo.com )
.
“This is not a moral failing by the leadership of the church, it's simply a training issue. Like the new guy putting the wrong type of paper in the photocopier, except it's not paper and it wasn’t a photocopier.”
Video clip from Colbert Report May 19, 2011:
"There is good news," says Stephen Colbert, "the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops has released the results of an exhaustive $1.8 million dollar study examining the root causes of this tragic abuse of trust.
"I'm relieved to report that they have found the courage to place the blame where it belongs, on free love in the 1960s.”
The sexual abuse scandal, “this horrible horrible shameful chapter,” says Colbert on The Colbert Report on Comedy Central:
“Was caused by the damn hippies.”
Watch also on YouTube at City of Angels Network
Video is screen shot by Kay Ebeling,
Producer, City of Angels Blog
Desperately in need of PayPal "High Five" clicks
...
POST NOTE:
Marci Hamilton says the John Jay Report is a "breakthrough in explaining how an institution that started with Jesus Christ could become the global leader in child endangerment."
Read Hamilton's column Challenging the John Jay Report
"A law professor and victim advocate on blaming the Sixties for child sex abuse"
(Send your links to kay at cityofangelslady@yahoo.com )
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Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tsunami Dream explains what happened to City of Angels Blog
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I almost didn't survive. I knew I was putting myself in danger but it was my job. I’d known in advance that the wave was going to hit, from reading the news, from paying attention. But still I went to my job that day, in a building right down by the beachfront. In the minutes before the wave hit, I was running around the house trying to find my stuff- my backpack, my bags- and I’d find one thing then lose it while I was looking for the other. Out the window the wave got closer. Others in the house (it was an Afro American family) were going, cool, look at that wave, and I was trying to get out of there, but I couldn't get out, so became resigned, thinking I was going to die there.
Then to rescue me a ride came through, literally a ride, like a theme park ride, and I jumped on, and the ride kept taking me higher and higher up the hill, so we'd escape just as the wave was hitting, wiping out everything below us. Just as the ride was about to go back down the hill, I jumped off, onto this structure with hallways and coves and stairways. I took a stairway and went higher and higher and it seemed that just as the wave hit just below me, I’d always find another way to get higher.
I realized there was a power, a spiritual presence, angels, something rescuing me, steering me always to a safer higher place.
There were other people climbing the structure, but as the waves kept hitting, fewer of us would make it to higher places, until finally it seemed to be over. At one point I was riding in a boat, a motor boat, we realized and were grateful as we started the engine. We saw ducks and huge sea creatures, and were grateful knowing we would be able to find food.
In another stopping-off point I was given a camera, a complicated thing with a long telephoto lens. I took pictures right away, capturing images of people finding ways to survive, but then more waves hit and I had to drop the camera and keep climbing higher.
Finally at the top, we realized that the few of us that were left were now on what was like a new shoreline. I was walking barehanded, wearing what I was left with, grateful to have what I had.
Altar Boys go a Different Direction
At one stopping off point on another ride climbing to the top, there were all these young boys, and I didn't want to end up there with them, so I got off and took a detour. I knew later that the boys had all survived also, but I was glad that I didn't have to spend the survival time, recovery time, rebuilding time, with all those young boys, and I got a sense they were altar boys…
Instead I ended up all alone, at the top of the structure, walking and walking with the few people that were left, also walking. I wasn’t communicating with anyone yet, but knew I would be later. I was just walking, almost like floating, dazed, looking out at this lush new ocean, our new beachfront land, walking like a survivor following Jesus through the Middle East as he preached in the days before he died...
I was wearing this dress that was loose and straight like the shift I got in Thai town in L.A. that I now wear when I'm sleeping. Then I heard noises and woke up here in the fourth floor room where I'm staying one last night before moving into an apartment two flights downs in the back of this building.
Realized that ride from one place to here in the dream was like the ride I got here from Albuquerque; realized as I re-set up homemaking now here in this new place, I've survived something, and there has been a spiritual power that's carried me and kept me alive all this time.
City of Angels Blog is over
Realized the dream was telling me I survived the pedophile priest information wave, now it's time to start rebuilding. Realized that in the dream, the area full of young boys that I didn't want to be around was like the time I've spent with priest rape survivors and it's over now, I can let it go and move on to the next thing. Realized even the camera I had for a while in the dream that was beyond my ability, was like trying to keep up with this whole story on the blog, beyond my ability, so it was okay to let it go and start over something new cleaned out with almost nothing.
Just like here in this new place, in real life, I just have a few things with me.
Awake now, I got up and walked in my Thai nightgown into the bathroom in the same floating dazed manner in which I was walking at the end of the dream. Looked out the window at the new town I've landed in without knowing anyone here or why I landed here, I'm just here, and realized I am a survivor, I'm going to keep going, and it's all fine. I have been “carried” in a way, by a spiritual power, to this point and I made it.
I survived.
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I almost didn't survive. I knew I was putting myself in danger but it was my job. I’d known in advance that the wave was going to hit, from reading the news, from paying attention. But still I went to my job that day, in a building right down by the beachfront. In the minutes before the wave hit, I was running around the house trying to find my stuff- my backpack, my bags- and I’d find one thing then lose it while I was looking for the other. Out the window the wave got closer. Others in the house (it was an Afro American family) were going, cool, look at that wave, and I was trying to get out of there, but I couldn't get out, so became resigned, thinking I was going to die there.
Then to rescue me a ride came through, literally a ride, like a theme park ride, and I jumped on, and the ride kept taking me higher and higher up the hill, so we'd escape just as the wave was hitting, wiping out everything below us. Just as the ride was about to go back down the hill, I jumped off, onto this structure with hallways and coves and stairways. I took a stairway and went higher and higher and it seemed that just as the wave hit just below me, I’d always find another way to get higher.
I realized there was a power, a spiritual presence, angels, something rescuing me, steering me always to a safer higher place.
There were other people climbing the structure, but as the waves kept hitting, fewer of us would make it to higher places, until finally it seemed to be over. At one point I was riding in a boat, a motor boat, we realized and were grateful as we started the engine. We saw ducks and huge sea creatures, and were grateful knowing we would be able to find food.
In another stopping-off point I was given a camera, a complicated thing with a long telephoto lens. I took pictures right away, capturing images of people finding ways to survive, but then more waves hit and I had to drop the camera and keep climbing higher.
Finally at the top, we realized that the few of us that were left were now on what was like a new shoreline. I was walking barehanded, wearing what I was left with, grateful to have what I had.
Altar Boys go a Different Direction
At one stopping off point on another ride climbing to the top, there were all these young boys, and I didn't want to end up there with them, so I got off and took a detour. I knew later that the boys had all survived also, but I was glad that I didn't have to spend the survival time, recovery time, rebuilding time, with all those young boys, and I got a sense they were altar boys…
Instead I ended up all alone, at the top of the structure, walking and walking with the few people that were left, also walking. I wasn’t communicating with anyone yet, but knew I would be later. I was just walking, almost like floating, dazed, looking out at this lush new ocean, our new beachfront land, walking like a survivor following Jesus through the Middle East as he preached in the days before he died...
I was wearing this dress that was loose and straight like the shift I got in Thai town in L.A. that I now wear when I'm sleeping. Then I heard noises and woke up here in the fourth floor room where I'm staying one last night before moving into an apartment two flights downs in the back of this building.
Realized that ride from one place to here in the dream was like the ride I got here from Albuquerque; realized as I re-set up homemaking now here in this new place, I've survived something, and there has been a spiritual power that's carried me and kept me alive all this time.
City of Angels Blog is over
Realized the dream was telling me I survived the pedophile priest information wave, now it's time to start rebuilding. Realized that in the dream, the area full of young boys that I didn't want to be around was like the time I've spent with priest rape survivors and it's over now, I can let it go and move on to the next thing. Realized even the camera I had for a while in the dream that was beyond my ability, was like trying to keep up with this whole story on the blog, beyond my ability, so it was okay to let it go and start over something new cleaned out with almost nothing.
Just like here in this new place, in real life, I just have a few things with me.
Awake now, I got up and walked in my Thai nightgown into the bathroom in the same floating dazed manner in which I was walking at the end of the dream. Looked out the window at the new town I've landed in without knowing anyone here or why I landed here, I'm just here, and realized I am a survivor, I'm going to keep going, and it's all fine. I have been “carried” in a way, by a spiritual power, to this point and I made it.
I survived.
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Monday, May 9, 2011
Down through June, at least
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City of Angels Blog is going to be dark, as in not publishing, for personal reasons, until around the end of June, at least that is the plan for now. Meanwhile, I invite you to go to the link on the left where it says Roots and read the posts dating back to January 2007, to see the work we did here over the last four-plus years.
See ya all soon-
-kay ebeling
City of Angels Blog is going to be dark, as in not publishing, for personal reasons, until around the end of June, at least that is the plan for now. Meanwhile, I invite you to go to the link on the left where it says Roots and read the posts dating back to January 2007, to see the work we did here over the last four-plus years.
See ya all soon-
-kay ebeling
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Dream about archbishop and lawyers that woke me up at 3AM just now
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Dream
I'm in an office building garage, go to the car, see my daughter Lizzie is sitting in the front seat with a cellphone in her ear.
I say, why aren't you in school? You've missed first period.
She indicates the person talking to her on the phone has convinced her not to go to school. In fact the person on the phone is destroying her self esteem, saying something in her ear that is draining the verve out of her, making her feel like she has no value at all.
Then an investigator from Kiesel Boucher’s office in L.A. contacts me and plays me a tape of that phone conversation. It's “Newt Gingrich” who everyone knows is “the assistant to Cardinal Francis George.” Gingrich is the one filling my daughter’s head with garbage so now she doesn't want to go to school anymore.
I contact my lawyer, who I’d just seen at church that morning, and tell him what's been going on and he says don’t worry, I'm working on it, but I can’t stop crying. Because now Lizzie has disappeared. She’s out there somewhere, doing sex industry work or something worse, and it's all because this guy who works for the Cardinal has been putting negative ideas in her head over the phone. I want to find Lizzie to explain that to her.
We're all in this big office building, my lawyer’s office is right next door to the archbishop. The archbishop is in his office with a door opened, his assistant standing with him, she looks like that woman who was a Salesians religious order attorney whose picture I drew and posted on this blog when I was in L.A. I walk in and I say to Francis George, “You fucked with my life, you fuck.” He is disturbed at my choice of language.
I'm crying and crying in the dream, like Jackie Kennedy this person of drama and sadness going through trauma while people are watching me.
****
Just went to post this dream on teh blog but only just posted it as a saved draft, as my lawyer told me to stop bloggin. When it's okay to blog again, I'll post it and it will have the time stamp of today 3:30 or so AM
Dream
I'm in an office building garage, go to the car, see my daughter Lizzie is sitting in the front seat with a cellphone in her ear.
I say, why aren't you in school? You've missed first period.
She indicates the person talking to her on the phone has convinced her not to go to school. In fact the person on the phone is destroying her self esteem, saying something in her ear that is draining the verve out of her, making her feel like she has no value at all.
Then an investigator from Kiesel Boucher’s office in L.A. contacts me and plays me a tape of that phone conversation. It's “Newt Gingrich” who everyone knows is “the assistant to Cardinal Francis George.” Gingrich is the one filling my daughter’s head with garbage so now she doesn't want to go to school anymore.
I contact my lawyer, who I’d just seen at church that morning, and tell him what's been going on and he says don’t worry, I'm working on it, but I can’t stop crying. Because now Lizzie has disappeared. She’s out there somewhere, doing sex industry work or something worse, and it's all because this guy who works for the Cardinal has been putting negative ideas in her head over the phone. I want to find Lizzie to explain that to her.
We're all in this big office building, my lawyer’s office is right next door to the archbishop. The archbishop is in his office with a door opened, his assistant standing with him, she looks like that woman who was a Salesians religious order attorney whose picture I drew and posted on this blog when I was in L.A. I walk in and I say to Francis George, “You fucked with my life, you fuck.” He is disturbed at my choice of language.
I'm crying and crying in the dream, like Jackie Kennedy this person of drama and sadness going through trauma while people are watching me.
****
Just went to post this dream on teh blog but only just posted it as a saved draft, as my lawyer told me to stop bloggin. When it's okay to blog again, I'll post it and it will have the time stamp of today 3:30 or so AM
Monday, April 25, 2011
Church Hierarchy today do opposite of what Christ taught
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About three hundred years after Christ’s death, hypocrites had maneuvered themselves into leadership roles in Christianity, and began unraveling the message of Jesus, to the point where today just about everything in the organized Church is the opposite of what Christ taught.
For example in the Sermon on the Mount copied below, Christ says don't make a public display of your prayer and Christian acts. He says all you need to do is look to the sky and call our “Our Father Who Art in Heaven,” to pray, in other words, you don't need a structured church and gold-encrusted priests to get you to Heaven. And finally, what sticks in my head most these days: God provides everything you need, you don't have to fill your head with worry and concern that you may be homeless or hungry.
I'm not supposed to blog about my case right now, and it's probably best if I stay off topic of pedophile priests in general for a few more weeks, for … legal reasons that involve those same kind of church hierarchs, whoops that's already saying too much.
But there can’t be any problem with me posting Christ’s sermon on the mount, from the book of Matthew in the New Testament, here on City of Angels Blog today. Somehow blogging is what holds me together, and this quote is particularly on my mind right now:
I share everything in my life on this blog, and these words from the Big Guy himself are what's on my mind today, how they reveal the complete difference between what you find in most churches today and what you find in Christ’s own words:
(Always best to read at least two translations of Scripture so you don't get caught up on the exact words, but you feel the message. So here first is the New Living Translation of the sermon, which is easiest for Americans to understand. Below that, if you really want to just focus on the spiritual guidance and not the specific words, the Sermon on the Mount from “The Message” Translation. Then my favorite is the Amplified translation, as it gives you the gist based on the original text, since almost none of those words from two thousand years ago translate directly into today’s English. Enjoy, Listen, Absorb.)
Matthew 6 (New Living Translation)
Teaching about Giving to the Needy
“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. 2 When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. 3 But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. 4 Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
Teaching about Prayer and Fasting
5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
7 “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. 8 Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! 9 Pray like this:
Our Father in heaven,
may your name be kept holy.
10 May your Kingdom come soon.
May your will be done on earth,
as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today the food we need,[a]
12 and forgive us our sins,
as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
13 And don’t let us yield to temptation,[b]
but rescue us from the evil one.[c]
14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
16 “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. 17 But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. 18 Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
Teaching about Money and Possessions
19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
22 “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!
24 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[d] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
Matthew 6 (The Message)
The World Is Not a Stage
1 "Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding. 2-4"When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure—'playactors' I call them— treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out.
Pray with Simplicity
5"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?
6"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.
7-13"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best— as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You're in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You're ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
14-15"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
16-18"When you practice some appetite-denying discipline to better concentrate on God, don't make a production out of it. It might turn you into a small-time celebrity but it won't make you a saint. If you 'go into training' inwardly, act normal outwardly. Shampoo and comb your hair, brush your teeth, wash your face. God doesn't require attention-getting devices. He won't overlook what you are doing; he'll reward you well.
A Life of God-Worship
19-21"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
22-23"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
24"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Matthew 6 (Amplified Bible)
1TAKE CARE not to do your good deeds publicly or before men, in order to be seen by them; otherwise you will have no reward [[a]reserved for and awaiting you] with and from your Father Who is in heaven.
2Thus, whenever you give to the poor, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites in the synagogues and in the streets like to do, that they may be [b]recognized and honored and praised by men. Truly I tell you, they have their reward [c]in full already.
3But when you give to charity, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4So that your deeds of charity may be in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret will reward you openly.
5Also when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by people. Truly I tell you, they have their reward [d]in full already.
6But when you pray, go into your [most] private room, and, closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.
7And when you pray, do not heap up phrases (multiply words, repeating the same ones over and over) as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their much speaking. [I Kings 18:25-29.]
8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.
9Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name.
10Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us this day our daily bread.
12And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven ([e]left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have [f]given up resentment against) our debtors.
13And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
14For if you forgive people their trespasses [their [g]reckless and willful sins, [h]leaving them, letting them go, and [i]giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their [j]reckless and willful sins, [k]leaving them, letting them go, and [l]giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.
16And whenever you are fasting, do not look gloomy and [m]sour and [n]dreary like the hypocrites, for they put on a dismal countenance, that their fasting may be apparent to and seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward [o]in full already.(A)
17But when you fast, perfume your head and wash your face,
18So that your fasting may not be noticed by men but by your Father, Who sees in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.
19Do not [p]gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal.
20But [q]gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal;
21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
22The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is sound, your entire body will be full of light.
23But if your eye is unsound, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the very light in you [your [r]conscience] is darkened, how dense is that darkness!
24No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise and be [s]against the other. You cannot serve God and mammon ([t]deceitful riches, money, possessions, or [u]whatever is trusted in).
25Therefore I tell you, stop being [v]perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing?
26Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?
27And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the [w]span of his life?(B)
28And why should you be anxious about clothes? Consider the lilies of the field and [x]learn thoroughly how they grow; they neither toil nor spin.
29Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his [y]magnificence (excellence, dignity, and grace) was not arrayed like one of these. [I Kings 10:4-7.]
30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and green and tomorrow is tossed into the furnace, will He not much more surely clothe you, O you of little faith?
31Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?
32For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.
33But seek ([z]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([aa]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [ab]taken together will be given you besides.
34So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.
(Actually it was a discussion about Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil last night with friends that brought this sermon in my mind, as talk about public displays of good deeds…)
-Kay Ebeling
About three hundred years after Christ’s death, hypocrites had maneuvered themselves into leadership roles in Christianity, and began unraveling the message of Jesus, to the point where today just about everything in the organized Church is the opposite of what Christ taught. For example in the Sermon on the Mount copied below, Christ says don't make a public display of your prayer and Christian acts. He says all you need to do is look to the sky and call our “Our Father Who Art in Heaven,” to pray, in other words, you don't need a structured church and gold-encrusted priests to get you to Heaven. And finally, what sticks in my head most these days: God provides everything you need, you don't have to fill your head with worry and concern that you may be homeless or hungry.
I'm not supposed to blog about my case right now, and it's probably best if I stay off topic of pedophile priests in general for a few more weeks, for … legal reasons that involve those same kind of church hierarchs, whoops that's already saying too much.
But there can’t be any problem with me posting Christ’s sermon on the mount, from the book of Matthew in the New Testament, here on City of Angels Blog today. Somehow blogging is what holds me together, and this quote is particularly on my mind right now:
Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? (Matthew 6:26)
I share everything in my life on this blog, and these words from the Big Guy himself are what's on my mind today, how they reveal the complete difference between what you find in most churches today and what you find in Christ’s own words:
(Always best to read at least two translations of Scripture so you don't get caught up on the exact words, but you feel the message. So here first is the New Living Translation of the sermon, which is easiest for Americans to understand. Below that, if you really want to just focus on the spiritual guidance and not the specific words, the Sermon on the Mount from “The Message” Translation. Then my favorite is the Amplified translation, as it gives you the gist based on the original text, since almost none of those words from two thousand years ago translate directly into today’s English. Enjoy, Listen, Absorb.)
Matthew 6 (New Living Translation)
Teaching about Giving to the Needy
“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. 2 When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. 3 But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. 4 Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
Teaching about Prayer and Fasting
5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
7 “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. 8 Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! 9 Pray like this:
Our Father in heaven,
may your name be kept holy.
10 May your Kingdom come soon.
May your will be done on earth,
as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today the food we need,[a]
12 and forgive us our sins,
as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
13 And don’t let us yield to temptation,[b]
but rescue us from the evil one.[c]
14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
16 “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. 17 But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. 18 Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
Teaching about Money and Possessions
19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
22 “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!
24 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[d] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
Matthew 6 (The Message)
The World Is Not a Stage
1 "Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding. 2-4"When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure—'playactors' I call them— treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out.
Pray with Simplicity
5"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?
6"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.
7-13"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best— as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You're in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You're ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
14-15"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
16-18"When you practice some appetite-denying discipline to better concentrate on God, don't make a production out of it. It might turn you into a small-time celebrity but it won't make you a saint. If you 'go into training' inwardly, act normal outwardly. Shampoo and comb your hair, brush your teeth, wash your face. God doesn't require attention-getting devices. He won't overlook what you are doing; he'll reward you well.
A Life of God-Worship
19-21"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
22-23"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
24"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Matthew 6 (Amplified Bible)
1TAKE CARE not to do your good deeds publicly or before men, in order to be seen by them; otherwise you will have no reward [[a]reserved for and awaiting you] with and from your Father Who is in heaven.
2Thus, whenever you give to the poor, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites in the synagogues and in the streets like to do, that they may be [b]recognized and honored and praised by men. Truly I tell you, they have their reward [c]in full already.
3But when you give to charity, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4So that your deeds of charity may be in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret will reward you openly.
5Also when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by people. Truly I tell you, they have their reward [d]in full already.
6But when you pray, go into your [most] private room, and, closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.
7And when you pray, do not heap up phrases (multiply words, repeating the same ones over and over) as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their much speaking. [I Kings 18:25-29.]
8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.
9Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name.
10Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us this day our daily bread.
12And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven ([e]left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have [f]given up resentment against) our debtors.
13And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
14For if you forgive people their trespasses [their [g]reckless and willful sins, [h]leaving them, letting them go, and [i]giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their [j]reckless and willful sins, [k]leaving them, letting them go, and [l]giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.
16And whenever you are fasting, do not look gloomy and [m]sour and [n]dreary like the hypocrites, for they put on a dismal countenance, that their fasting may be apparent to and seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward [o]in full already.(A)
17But when you fast, perfume your head and wash your face,
18So that your fasting may not be noticed by men but by your Father, Who sees in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.
19Do not [p]gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal.
20But [q]gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal;
21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
22The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is sound, your entire body will be full of light.
23But if your eye is unsound, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the very light in you [your [r]conscience] is darkened, how dense is that darkness!
24No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise and be [s]against the other. You cannot serve God and mammon ([t]deceitful riches, money, possessions, or [u]whatever is trusted in).
25Therefore I tell you, stop being [v]perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing?
26Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?
27And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the [w]span of his life?(B)
28And why should you be anxious about clothes? Consider the lilies of the field and [x]learn thoroughly how they grow; they neither toil nor spin.
29Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his [y]magnificence (excellence, dignity, and grace) was not arrayed like one of these. [I Kings 10:4-7.]
30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and green and tomorrow is tossed into the furnace, will He not much more surely clothe you, O you of little faith?
31Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?
32For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.
33But seek ([z]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([aa]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [ab]taken together will be given you besides.
34So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.
(Actually it was a discussion about Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil last night with friends that brought this sermon in my mind, as talk about public displays of good deeds…)
-Kay Ebeling
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